The Apollonian

by I.A.M.

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about

This is the second album in a Triptych describing various forms of tragedy. Which one this describes is rather self-explanatory. I wrote this album because of my interest in Nietzsche's critical work "The Birth of Tragedy." It is both entirely personal and quite fictional. It is meant to be angry and torn by despair, and generally reflect the dramatic nature of early life. I tend to divide the album into four parts:
1. (tracks 1-3) is the turbidity of nostalgia augmenting an understanding of reality to the point of insanity.
2. (tracks 4-6) is the realization of said insanity and direction toward an antagonist (e.g. oneself, the lover of a friend, an adulteress; respectively).
3. (tracks 7-8) is the internalization of external insecurity to prove that one can both a. love oneself and b. love another but c. still want to fucking die.
4. (tracks 9-10) is resolution, an afternoon with your Love in the afterlife, an afternoon at Her gravesite, an afternoon in Her bedroom.

It was made mostly with analog synths processed through an amplifier into ProTools with intricate drum sampling and arranging / programming. Vocals were recorded into ProTools. Believe me, this shit took a lot of time.

credits

released September 8, 2014

All tracks written, recorded, produced, engineered, performed, and killed by Isak Andrew McCune.

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Isak Indianapolis, Indiana

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Track Name: The Golden Age
I like to think that I look sexy
In skinny black-white-charade
Your countenance does vex me
It does imply how I will fade

You seem so soft and pretty
In velvet French, love is made
Now why do I sit here spitting?
My mind is what I trade

For the hope
That someday we could go for a ride
We'd smoke dope
And say at least we tried

Now I've come all this fucking way
Just to look you in the eye and say
I don't Love you, but I Love what we do
Track Name: Anhedonic
All your
Voluptuousness
And virility
Is born

I A M
Desire
And fire
Of course

Sometimes
I want it
I think I
A Whore

Save me
From myself
My conscience
Is torn
Track Name: How Do I Say This?
Leave a message
Track Name: Forgotten
Back then there was a war
But it was 1994
So long ago, but what the hell
I was 5

My mother came out crying
And I thought she was dying
My father was a horse
I was alive

We were all in heaven
When the God we knew was given
To the Sandinista cause
The End is Nigh

Back then I was rotten
Again I'm Forgotten

This sexy little girl said she
Thought I could love her but me?
Oh I, I was only 5

My silhouette in rip stains
My curve and yet these neck pains
I think that I'm losing
My mind

Back then, nothing mattered
I was 5

This ironic malaise has driven
My singing kick is written
My lovers ran the course
O'er sighs

Rose petals are a smokescreen for my
Apples and wall leans
I've been staring at this wall
Since 5

A fucking no one forgotten
Thus the moribund phase
Track Name: Jealousy
If you're the sun and he's the moon then I'm the earth
Remember when you said I was your rock? I guess it was true
If you're the Queen and he's the king then I'm a joke
And while you two drink absinthe I'm fucked up on coke
Track Name: I Will Want to Die Every Day for the Rest of My Life.
I admit I'm not that nice
In fact I'm a liar
I lied when I said I thought you intelligent
I lied when I said I love you

Your face is an encomium rhetorical
To the beauty of faces everywhere
This track is a proleptic
To any claim that I am a misogynist

Because it's only you my Eve
My succubine sweet
Too good to eat

I dream of you every night
If I could escape that
If only I knew the Daemon
Who did place that gem
Back in your hands
To repeat history
God, I hate thee
Track Name: Nothing
There is a problem in central control
In fact it's working its way through the whole place
We cannot stop it -- that much we know
It seems to be changing its cold face

It's sort of manic and in a way droll
But inimical to the body
This place isn't safe -- that much we know
It just might be Love again

I cannot stop thinking about you, you know
Your lips compose notes with a clear pitch
Your eyes cover blankly, softer than snow
My tongue is the cure to your itch

You're a beautiful star; my love you're a chocolate bar; you're a fast car; you're my favorite czar you're the queen bee you're a green tree you're my enemy i'm beneath thee shit i'm your gravesite i'm your trilobite i'm a parasite
You move mountains; You fix oxbow bends; you're in love with them; you like young men; and to your I am nothing; next to nothing

I can't stop shaking my mind is austere
this amentia sets in with symptoms severe
HOW THE HELL DO I GET OUT OF HERE????!??!
committing to apostasy is my biggest fear

Just a bit longer down memory lane
Her eyelashes are just my fantasy
I can no longer take this much pain
Her bodice is bare when she is dressing

you are filigree you are smoke you are sweet tea you are next to me love you are agape, eros, and phillia you're my ophelia your fingers cilia your heart is made of lace; your eyes are spray paint; they're made with "Chromium"; with lips in lithium and hair a million skin cells there's trillions; dying by the billion with blood red as cerise when I take a piece it rubs off on me
I'm epigone to your entropy fuck me baby I feel hazy in your crazy eyes shot like the moon eyes like perfume skin like mushrooms you smell like cocaine I'm sick on methane; you are my candy cane I A M ONLY PAIN when I A M NOTHING.

oh fuck you are perfect more than I could ask for on charm I am so poor; my ego shows all my sores; I have no score; I lack empathy; I'm crazy; I'm barking at trees I've lost all my leaves; And I've no money; I've only your honey; It's sweet and it's comely, baby I'm coming; I'm still missing something You are my everything maybe this for naught, but darling you are aught shit you hit the spot I'm falling through the ground
Nothing can stop me now
No one can stop us now
Because we are nothing

we are nothing
Track Name: The Grave of Odysseus
This, my friend is the part where it ends
No more to say, no light out today
My organ is old, my piano is broken
My heart is cold my chest is open
There are no songs to sing
I'm no longer king
My mouth has run dry
I know I will die
But mortality
Is a rainy day by the sea
And a kiss is one small thing I miss
Cause the lake has run dry
In its bed I lie
When they find my body
No one will recognize me

Do you know what I am?
I'm in love I'm post-human
I'm the captain! I'm the--

I'm no expert you see
I'm privileged as can be
I was born in money
And of the patriarchy
Alabaster gives me away
I know none about pain
But I cannot delay
Cause it's almost too late
I've been hanging myself
I know you can tell
But you've no way to help
I'm just lucky I fell
But mortality
Is a place by the sea
Track Name: Only Forever
Write this down with a pencil
Or just listen to me; listen with your brain though
I hope you can see
You're blushing when you say "trademark: me"
And I return the gesticulation with a smile if you please please please

You drew something on my eyelid in the shape of a girl, and I'm sure
I could understand her
You've got so many wonders
You're my best End and
With a grin I say "you're my only friend"

JESUS CHRIST when we sit here and play my guitar I always think how bloody red your lips are
You're in so many colours that
I kinda wish black and white didn't always haunt this

Was this a mistake?
Will it never end?
I don't know, and I never lie.
Was this a mistake to live again?
I guess I'll find out when I die.

Wait wait let us go back to the terminus a quo
Only because you thought I should say so
We all start with a number [One!]
And we divide up from that
It becomes round what once was flat

You grow up quite precocious
You get into books
You get shamed
Despite your good looks

You fall in Love with your father
And then he leaves you
The same thing will happen
With all your friends too

Was this a mistake?
Will it never end?
I don't know, and I never lie.
Was this a mistake to live again?
I guess I'll find out when I die.

One could say this is simple
To live without glow
But in fact it's
Much harder than you know

I guess I'm somewhat special
I've got a knack for these words
I know I could convince you
Of something absurd

So give me your hand
Look into my eyes
And believe that
What I say are not lies

You, a woman and me, a man
Can coexist as best as we can
And with the help of this little ring
We do declare ourselves queen and king
Track Name: A Man Leaving Her Cemetery
I know you think that I look sexy
In my skin-tight-jeans
Your face implies: "fuck me"
I'd like to if you please
Just say that I'm perfectly pretty
I love your eyes today
This feels just like living
You love me in your own way

You're a bird
Whose flight signals that spring has arrived
You unfurl
Such a beauty before you died.

But I've come all this fucking way
Just to look you in the eye and say

I Love You
And I'm Yours, through and through